to be completely honest,
there are those days when i want to pour vodka into my morning coffee
sip slowly on a glass of nyquil
and fall asleep for a couple years and wake up when the world has gone away.

to be completely honest,
there are those days when i want to buy myself a one-way bus ticket to new york city
press my head against the cool glass while midnight rushes past me
and go someplace on the streets where i am wanted.

to be completely honest,
there are those days when i want to take a razor from the bathroom cabinet
scrape it across my skin and turn it into a massacre
and let you find me in the bathroom, sprawled out on the floor, blade still in my hand.

to be completely honest,
there are those days when i dream of veils and tears
and there are others
where i dream of needles and lighters and letting all the blue in me dry up
until my skin is a connect-the-dots book, until
i am a monochrome painting of gray and red.

some days i want to scream at the world and let it come for me.
some days i miss you so much that it becomes a weight under my skin.
some days
                          i don’t want to be
                                                                            in existence
and every day i am scared.

Maria Bond-Lamberty is a high school student trying to make sense of the world through words. She has loved writing since she was young, and hopes to attend college in NYC in pursuit of creative writing and dance studies. You can almost always find her with a coffee cup in her hand. Maria currently lives in Silver Spring, Maryland.